Stepping into the Space of Both/And as a Mom and Entrepreneur
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Episode Summary
Have you ever felt that you can’t be a great mom and a thriving business owner?
This episode is for you! Today Melanie Donohue is joining us to share how she helps her clients step out of either/or thinking and into the space of both/and. As a mom of 4, she’s lived the trial and error of finding that sustainable work/life balance and she’s on a mission to help you do the same. Our conversation is vulnerable and packed with so much valuable insight. Tune in and let me know what action steps you’ll be taking this week!
Topics Discussed:
How Melanie completely restructured her business and her goals in order to be more present in the lives of her children
Accepting your path is yours, it may be slower and that things are allowed to be fluid
Choosing goals that resonate with you and choosing microtasks to move the needle toward getting them completed
The importance of infusing yourself, your priorities, and your values in your business plan
The mental load that mothers carry in comparison to fathers and how Melanie helps navigate this with her clients
Overcoming the disappointment that comes with changed plans, unfinished tasks, and more
Allowing your business goals to shift with the current season of motherhood you’re in
About Melanie:
Melanie is a mom to 4 boys and strategic business consultant for mom business owners.She believes it's time to let go of either/or thinking and step into the space of BOTH/AND. It's possible to be a great mom and a thriving business owner. Support, strategic planning and action plans that encompass both your business and motherhood priorities is what Melanie specializes in.
Episode Resources:
Conquering Chaos Bundle (use coupon code: PROJECTMOM and get $20 off)
Connect with Melanie:
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Emily Gorrie:
Welcome to today's episode of the Project Mom Podcast. Today, I'm chatting with Melanie Donahue. She's a mom to four boys and a strategic business consultant for mom business owners that specializes in support, strategic planning, and action plans that encompass both your business and motherhood priorities. So Melanie, welcome. Thank you so much for being here.
Melanie Donohoue:
Thank you, Emily. I'm honored to be here with you today.
Emily Gorrie:
Thank you, and I am so excited because I think what you offer moms in this stage of our lives is so valuable. And so I think underrated almost to the extent where we don't actually think that it exists until we come across you as, you know, in our paths and in our networking. And I think it's an amazing opportunity for all of us to learn from women who have been through it and somebody who can give us kind of ideas and kind of help us come up with tangible steps to move forward in these goals of ours. So I'm so excited that we're going to talk a little bit about what you do and how you help women like us. But I want to start with your journey before we do. I would love to, if you could share with us this personal journey of yours, where did motherhood fit into your career? And then at what point did that translate into entrepreneurship?
Melanie Donohoue:
Sure. So I am a teacher by training. I taught elementary school, mostly kindergarten and first grade for 10 years. And I went back to it after I had my first child and it was great in some ways, but it was really challenging. And what was most interesting to me was that everyone said I had the dream job to be a mom, you know, right? You get every school break off, you get summers off. But the reality is as a teacher, I worked every summer in order to make ends meet financially. And it was a job that wasn't, even though on paper it was nine to three, it was more like, you know. 24 seven, like, you know, parents emailing and your cons,
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
my head was constantly in that space for my students and the parents. And, um, and so it was hard. It was also a job that I found really stressful when my first child, you know, you get that inevitable phone call from childcare, that your kid is sick and you need to be there within an hour to pick them up. Well, it was a job that I couldn't just walk out the door. I had
Emily Gorrie:
Right.
Melanie Donohoue:
22 kids sitting in front of me. So I had to scramble and throw together plans, make sure someone could cover my classroom and then leave. So it felt, I felt torn in my priorities of like, I love my job, I love what I do, but I can't
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
also be the mom that I want to be in those moments when my son needs me the most. And so that was really challenging. So after my second child, we had, or while I was pregnant with my second, I started dabbling in entrepreneurship, I started in network marketing. and I really joined for the reason to get control over my own schedule, control
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
over my own income, because as a teacher, no matter how great of a teacher you are, you don't have control over your income. It's not like you can get a promotion or get a raise. You just, you get a raise based on the number of years you've been teaching.
Emily Gorrie:
Right,
Melanie Donohoue:
And
Emily Gorrie:
right.
Melanie Donohoue:
so that was really, really frustrating for someone who's goal-oriented and wants to do their best and puts in 120% every day, and then feeling like I couldn't move forward. I was born and raised in upstate New York and my husband got a job while I was pregnant with my second in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Never somewhere I imagined
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah
Melanie Donohoue:
I would pick up my life and move. But
Emily Gorrie:
For sure.
Melanie Donohoue:
it was an opportunity we couldn't pass up for his career and we took it as kind of a sign to take a leap of faith and move. We moved when our second child was seven weeks old. and we moved to a state where I knew one other person and it was somebody I hadn't seen in almost 15 years so it wasn't even like someone I was super close to
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
and Uh, so I started to really delve into this entrepreneur space and I found myself lacking in a lot of skills. I didn't know marketing. I didn't know sales. I didn't know how to be a business owner. So I spent a lot of time in that space in my business, um, really figuring out how to be an entrepreneur, to be honest. Um, and what I struggled with the most was that everyone I was getting mentoring or coaching from either wasn't a parent or built their business in a way that didn't align with me. They
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
were the hustle harder. They were the, you know, throw your kids in daycare for 10 or 12 hours a day. And that's how you're going to, you know, it's the sack of short term sacrifice for the long term gain.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
And I just couldn't do that because our kids are only little ones.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
And I did that for a while with our third child. It's probably my biggest regret in entrepreneurship is I worked every second. Sorry.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, that's okay.
Melanie Donohoue:
I worked every second that he was a baby. I missed
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
his entire newborn phase. Like I don't remember it. I don't remember him rolling over. I don't remember his first word. Because I felt like if I really wanted to make it as an entrepreneur, I had to work during every nap time. I had to rush to put him down and race back to my computer. I couldn't sit there, you know, nap trapped
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
and just soak up the snuggles. Um, and... people just would say, well, work more, work at night, work, get up earlier. And what I felt was they just didn't understand what it's like to be a mom, especially a mom of young kids. You know, I would
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
have some people that they grew a business and they're a mom, but they did it once their kids were in high school or out of the house. But when you've got either really little ones, newborns or toddlers, or even school aged children that are you're under your care 24 7
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
and need you it's a different strain and especially as a woman and a mom they look to you for everything and
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
you're your energy and your time, you know, when people say, well, you have the same 24 hours in the in the day as anyone else. And that is simply not true. As a mom, you don't have the same 24 hours, I don't even have the same 24 hours in a day as my husband. When he goes off to work, like
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
he leaves the house, he goes somewhere else and doesn't have interruptions. Even when I'm working from home, I get the interruptions. I hear the child who's not going down for naps when they should be even So it's different it pulls on you and women's minds work differently I feel like we're constantly running on all those things
Emily Gorrie:
Yes,
Melanie Donohoue:
like
Emily Gorrie:
absolutely.
Melanie Donohoue:
the laundry that hasn't been folded or the you know kids errand that needs to be run or What you know, so-and-so had a rash this morning I wonder how they're doing and so it just it pulls on you in a different way and I felt like there was never a coach or a mentor who got that who really understood how to juggle both and sort of I've labeled it conquer the chaos. Like how do we lean into and just accept? that is this phase of life and how do we set goals differently and set up our plans and our schedules and our businesses differently so that we can feel full and complete instead of drained. Because I felt like with my third especially, he got the rest of me, not the best of me.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
And that was something, you know, with my fourth child, I I just sat down with my husband and I said, this is going to be our last and I can't do that again. And I know at that stage in our life and our business, it wasn't really, I didn't have all the systems in place that I could make tons of money and just take tons of time off. But I was like, I can't get this time back. So I took eight weeks completely off. And with the exception of posting on some on social media to kind of keep the lights on, but I didn't make any money. I didn't do anything during that time. but I don't regret it for a second
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
because he's only little once and now he's two already. And I restructured my entire business after that to then allow me to be there when my kids get home from school and not
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
feel like, hey, I picked you up, but now can I throw you in front of the TV? Cause I still have more work to do. but my business structure is completely different. And so are my goals, because now I've managed and aligned my goals and my business with being a mom.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep, absolutely. And I really appreciate you sharing that. And there's, I think, a lot of truth for a lot of women listening in what you're saying. There's this push and this pull to, and I know for myself included, to create something individually for myself. I continue to honor the parts of me that are. that were there, that are still there outside of being a mom, but also recognizing that we are not the same person and that we want to be there for our kids. And there's this push and this pull in a society that doesn't really allow us to do both, right? And we're trying to rewire these narratives and these stories in ourselves, but externally as well, in order to really get ourselves to a place where we have that alignment with our goals on both of these fronts. And I... love the idea of being able to work with somebody who looks at the whole picture, right? We can say
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
this week in particular is heavy on the home front. We have people coming to stay, we have school days off or so and so sick. This is what's on the business plate. How do we structure these to
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
allow me to be present and still accomplish the goals that we're looking for? Because you're Time flies, right? I mean, your youngest, you said, is already two. And it's, I mean, my daughter's two and a half, and it's shocking to me. Like, where did the time go? So how do we show up for ourselves and give ourselves permission to be able to do the things that matter to us in the moment? And I think a good distinction here is not do it all, right? There's no way to do it all. But how do we do the things? that matter to us right now with the understanding that those priorities can be and will be fluid.
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes, exactly. And I think... The other thing too is accepting that your path is yours and that your path may be slower. Like that
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
was something I had to really, I wrestled with for a long time and for a long time I didn't accept that. It was a lot of comparison against other entrepreneurs. But what I realized is that no two of us as moms are the same. You know, we have different numbers of kids, we have different ages of kids, we have different levels of support, whether it's child care support, whether it's family support, whether it's spousal support. And we also all have different dreams, you know, social media makes us think that everybody's goal is to make six figures in six months or whatever it is, or, you know, $20,000 months. But that's not necessarily everyone's goal. And even if that is your goal, accepting that your path to get there might be slower because you have different priorities. Like you said, like right now, if your priority is to be a present focused mom and you haven't built that, you know, crazy multi-seven figure business with all the team and all this, you know,
Emily Gorrie:
Right.
Melanie Donohoue:
structure and all of that to support it, that's okay. It's not to say you can't get there and you can't work towards it, but it's not going to happen overnight, especially if you want to still be sane and you still want to have downtime. And I think our society pressures us, especially as moms, to be more, to do more, to achieve more. And there's only so much more to give. And I realized that there's more to life. oldest. He used to love I would rub his hair like run my fingers through his hair to get him to sleep when he was a baby and it's something that he now has come back to at eight years old and asks me to do when he can't fall asleep and I remember sitting there last night being like I know that a year ago Melanie would have said no I don't have time because
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
I needed to work more. But today, Melanie realizes that. he's not gonna want me to
Emily Gorrie:
Ha
Melanie Donohoue:
run
Emily Gorrie:
ha.
Melanie Donohoue:
my fingers through his hair to help him to fall asleep
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
for that much longer. Like I need to embrace these moments and it's rare that I work in the evening now after my kids go to bed because I've structured my goals and my action plan and my days and my weeks such that isn't necessary. Like a lot of times I think we fill our schedules with being
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
as this badge of honor. Like, you know, how are you doing? Oh, I'm busy. Like, okay, but are you busy? Is your life full? Like, there's a difference. I feel like in your life and your days being full than them
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
being busy. And I feel like I've now shifted from constantly feeling and being busy, just like I need to do more. I need to get more done. to... I'd rather that I got two or three really important things done today and that I sat down and I played Uno with my kids than the fact that I worked and I you know crossed off 27 things on the list that's random and arbitrary. Like it just
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
isn't something that I've found is fulfilling and I feel like I fall asleep at night easier and more rested and I show up better as a mom because I've crafted not just like my business schedule, but like my life schedule around
Emily Gorrie:
Absolutely.
Melanie Donohoue:
encompassing both of them, you know, and that's something I feel like, you know, even with one of my clients, like one, we sat down in one session, she was so stressed out about the summer because she's like, I really want to be present and in her business, historically, like the summer was a time that tended to decline, she saw a decline
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm
Melanie Donohoue:
in clients and revenue and she said, honestly, it was because she wasn't at her office. and that much because she wanted to be home with her kids and making all the summer memories and doing all the fun things.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
But I said you can do both, but what she was worried about she's like well I can't book clients because I'm not sure about child care. So we talked about how do we set up and securing child care for the days that you need to be in the office, but then how do we plan the days that you're not? so that you can have time for you, so that you can have time for your kids. And in one session, we put together a summer schedule that has allowed her to set a crazy, you know, Q3 goal that she's so excited about working
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
on. And yet she's still, you know, she celebrated her daughter's birthday, she went to visit a family for a whirlwind wedding trip, and like, she's like, I feel like this summer has been more balanced and more fun
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
because we just looked at it from like, what are your priorities and what are your goals and how do we then put those two together into a schedule that works for you? And it
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
has to be custom to you because her life and her business is different than mine and it's different than yours.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, absolutely. I love that anecdote because there's something to be said for. just thinking like if this was simple, what would I actually do? Right, and there's
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
this, I think if we think about how we're holding ourselves and how our emotions are sitting in our body, right? You had said a little bit earlier that there's something about, are your days full or are they just busy? And I think they're, personally for me, there are days where I start to feel this pressure, right? This tension in my body, my shoulders go up, I'm. holding a lot of tension in my core, and I can feel this pull to being busy. Like,
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
oh, I have all these things on my calendar. I've blocked off time to do this. And it's usually on days where my daughter's in daycare, but I find myself really trying to hone into the minute. Like, how can I maximize all of this time?
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
And it's when we start to tune into the, like, how those tasks are. like sitting in our body that we really start to get a clue on, is this honoring of me today? Or is this aligning with my overall goals of what I'm looking to accomplish in my business and in my home life? And I love that you shared this kind of anecdote of your client because there's a way to still thrive. in your business and still be able to be present with your kids. And it's tuning into our bodies that give us the first clue on,
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes.
Emily Gorrie:
are we doing that or not? And if we're not, if this is simple, what would we do? Talk
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
to a friend, find a coach, help find a consultant to help take some things off our plate. Just love that reminder of we don't have to do everything to get ahead. If we just
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes.
Emily Gorrie:
strategically think about the things that will move the business forward or set ourselves up so we can have the downtime, the recharge with our families, then it can be done.
Melanie Donohoue:
Absolutely. I so resonate with that. And I think one of the things that holds us back from that is that we often set goals, first of all, that aren't ours. You know,
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm
Melanie Donohoue:
we set them based on what we hear others setting or what we feel like we should be working towards versus asking ourselves like, what impact would this have on my business right now? And what's the significance to me of achieving this goal? Like the so what factor, who cares? Like, why
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
does it matter to you to achieve this goal? day, that's one thing that keeps us stuck is if our goal doesn't resonate with us, we're not going to work through those tough moments. We're not going to work through those challenges and bumps in the road that are inevitably going to happen. But then aligned with that is also, you know, when you said like, Hey, what do I do when I'm feeling that stress bubble up and I'm feeling to start like I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm feeling like, Oh my gosh, there's, you know, I only have an hour until I have to pick my kid up from daycare or until the babysitter leaves or until whatever.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
And I still have a list of seven things that I thought I was going to get done today. And so one of the things that I think, and this is just like an actionable tip that if you're listening, you can put into place is. Before you finish your day today or whatever day you're looking at, look ahead at the next day and pick your top three. What are the three things? These have to be three individual tasks. One of the things I work a lot with my clients on is micro tasks. what
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
are the most important micro tasks? As women, we tend to put these giant things on our plate, and we expect that like each one of these things, we should just be able to check all of them off. But when you look at each one, they're really like 17 tasks really bundled up in this one phrase. It's kind
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
of like the best example I can give is if you said, um, clean your house. That's not one task.
Emily Gorrie:
Hahaha
Melanie Donohoue:
Like, let's be real, right? You've
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
got bathrooms, you've got... you know, are you cleaning sheets? Are you dusting? Is it a week that you're vacuuming and mopping? I mean, all of those are individual tasks that ultimately lead to your clean house. But so your clean house might be your goal. But you can't write clean house as one task and expect that like, I'm going to write clean house,
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
revamp my business and build a website on like one day. That's not three tasks. That's like 400 tasks.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
You know and I'm guilty of it too, but one of the things is like really Like thin slice look at what is that thing that you're you think it is and can I break it down into all the steps? And then what are the three
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
most important? Needle moving things for the next day and as a mom these don't all have to be business tasks It's truly important to look at when you look at your top three maybe today those top three are business, maybe it's a day that you've got some child care help or support or whatever, and they are, maybe it's not even on a day that you have child care support, maybe it's two in one. And then you're
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
gonna have days that it's all three are family oriented or you oriented. Like, that's one thing that I'm a huge proponent when I help someone work out a business goal and an action plan for that. I have to see you. in your plan. If it's all business, your plan's not going to work because
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
you need time for you. And so when we look at picking those top three for your day, it needs to be a mix sometimes because that's the reality of being a mom. You
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
have multiple priorities and it's not always about balance. I think sometimes when we are seeking balance, it gives us this false sense of everything
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
more, like you've got more business on your plate that day. And then there's days that personal or family is more and that's okay. It's about finding the harmony between those that feels good to you.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, I mean, it's such a beautiful picture when you think about it, because there's so much false narrative out there. And we see this through the previous generations that we've watched as we've grown up in terms of these are separate items.
Melanie Donohoue:
Mm-hmm.
Emily Gorrie:
Our fathers traditionally go off to work. Our moms are at home. They come home. The business is separate. We're now moving into. a realm where it's much more fluid, right? The hope is that these parts of our lives are much more fluid. And I think we're still breaking some of that cycle in our brain. So we have to remind ourselves that it is really this harmony and not balanced because the two are not siloed. There isn't a way to say, I can have And maybe on a couple of days, if we're lucky, we can say, I have X amount of hours to dedicate just to the business. And I have X the remainder of the day until my kids go to bed to spend time with them. But it's not really sustainable in that way if we look at the reality of our lives, especially as moms. And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to find that. And I personally am included in that because there's this part of me that I'm just going to lay it out there. Almost resentful or jealous that my husband gets to, he works from home, but he also gets to close that door. He has an office, he closes that door. And when he does, it's remarkable at how.
Melanie Donohoue:
No one interrupts him.
Emily Gorrie:
No one interrupts him, the doors are closed, it's it. He's able, at least from the outside looking in, able to shut down mentally some of the other things that are on his mind, right? And he knows he comes out for lunch, he can do a couple of things, but then he goes back in. And I think about personally, right? I'm like, I want that, I
Melanie Donohoue:
Mm-hmm.
Emily Gorrie:
want that. But in reality, do I? It's a freedom thing, right? I
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
think we want certain things and then we execute it and we... and make that happen and then we're pulled or regretful that we've bypassed certain times in our kids lives because we thought we had to do things a certain way.
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah, absolutely. And not only that, but also accepting that this is one of those things like... wives are different than their husbands. Men and women
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah!
Melanie Donohoue:
are different. You know, I don't know if you've ever read the book, my husband and I read it years and years ago, and we still quote it all the time because it is the perfect mental picture of the difference between his brain and my brain. So it's called men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti. So if you
Emily Gorrie:
Okay.
Melanie Donohoue:
picture a waffle, right, it has
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
those individual squares. Men have most men have the capability to be in one square. Like if they're in their work square, they are not thinking about home, they are not thinking about kids' sports and activities, they are not thinking about the household chores that need to be done, and they just are not in that box.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
Women, on the other hand, are like a plate of spaghetti. Everything is tangled up together. Your work project and your podcast, you know, guest appearance and the playdate to the park and the household that needs to be cleaned
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
and the laundry that needs to be done, it's all women or women together like a beautiful plate of Italian spaghetti.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah,
Melanie Donohoue:
And so...
Emily Gorrie:
I love that. I
Melanie Donohoue:
Thanks for watching!
Emily Gorrie:
love that so much. I have to check this book out.
Melanie Donohoue:
And it's very well written. It's funny. It's an easy, quick read.
Emily Gorrie:
Okay.
Melanie Donohoue:
But it has just given us a place to talk about that difference because it is true. And your husband probably is capable of just going in and closing the door and he's not even thinking. It's literally not even crossing his mind what's happening on the other side of that door versus like, I wish I could be like that, but I'm just not. Like,
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
I don't have the ability to... rewire my brain and just shut it off and be like, okay, I'm in my office. Even though I can hear the chaos that's going on with babysitter, I'm just gonna check out and be fine. I
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
just, I can't, I can't be that way.
Emily Gorrie:
Totally,
Melanie Donohoue:
And.
Emily Gorrie:
totally. I mean, like right now we have guests coming in a little bit and I'm like, okay, have I vacuumed the floor? Do they have towels in their room? Like, I don't even remember if I did that. I might've done that, right? And it's like, yeah, I mean,
Melanie Donohoue:
For sure,
Emily Gorrie:
granted
Melanie Donohoue:
I have the
Emily Gorrie:
this
Melanie Donohoue:
same
Emily Gorrie:
conversation
Melanie Donohoue:
thoughts.
Emily Gorrie:
lends itself to that a little bit, but I'm like, oh wait, there's still things swirling around in my brain that
Melanie Donohoue:
Exactly.
Emily Gorrie:
ideally I should be able in this perfect. shut off and move past until that time comes.
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes, but that's part of the chaos of motherhood and chaos we often think of being this negative thing, but chaos can be beautiful, right? Like the moments that you don't expect, but um with our kids that are adorable and funny and sweet, but motherhood is literally filled with chaos and even though we can set up this you know perfect schedule, this ideal plan as a mom... It's delusional to think that plan is going to work out. as you laid it out on paper because you know you've got sick kids you've got you know random bumps and bruises or bad dreams that woke you up in the middle of the night and now today you're not showing up at 100 percent as the person you thought you were going to be with the same amount of focus because you got woken up by whoever the night before um maybe you've got little ones that you're nursing and you know i didn't give myself nearly enough credit for that phase like I did the math and for eight years I was, with the exception of two months, I was pregnant or nursing or both for eight consecutive years of my life. That is so much energy. Someone did a Instagram post actually, and I don't remember the exact numbers, but I wanna say it was like 40 hours less if you nurse for a year a child, it is about 40 hours less than working a 40 hour job
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
for the year. So if you think about every mom who is nursing and doing whatever else she's doing, cleaning the house, raising another child, running a business, you're doing multiple jobs, but we don't give ourselves credit for that.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
And we don't give ourselves the grace and the space when we plan what our goals are or what is the energy and capacity that we have on our plates. I am blessed. I know that this isn't the case for every, you know, mom out here listening to us today, but I have a really active involved husband who, you know, is an amazing parent. But still, like, we could both be sitting in the same room. I could have my hands full with a hundred things and be busy doing something. My husband will be sitting on the couch and the children will walk past him and ask me to do something just because
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
I'm mom. You know, I mean yesterday my two-year-old threw an absolute temper tantrum over the fact that my husband went inside the house to get him his water bottle because he wanted me to do it.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah. Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
You know. this is just the difference and I mean whether it's not, whether it's waking up in the middle of the night, whether it's if your kids are once they're in school, you know, you have at least once a quarter that your schedule is thrown off. You've got fall
Emily Gorrie:
Oh, for
Melanie Donohoue:
break,
Emily Gorrie:
sure.
Melanie Donohoue:
you've got winter break, you've got our holiday break, some places in the country have a winter break too. You've got spring break and then oh wait now all of a sudden May comes and there's something May or June depending on when your school year ends, there's something every single week for that month. that goes on and then
Emily Gorrie:
For sure.
Melanie Donohoue:
oh wait your kids are off for 10 or 11 weeks. And so
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
when you think about what is the schedule that you have especially as an entrepreneur, you need to be able to embrace and set it up in a way that allows you to ebb and flow through those different seasons. My summer schedule looks very different than what my schedule is going to look like come mid-August this year.
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
And same for, you know, for us, our son is actually switching schools and after Thanksgiving, so that he can be at the our youngest is going to be moving to the same school as our older three, because that makes life a whole lot easier.
Emily Gorrie:
I'm sure.
Melanie Donohoue:
But that's another shift in schedule again, and it's going to be a beneficial shift, but yet again, that's just like another thing that happens. And I feel like this is something that as moms, we feel like, oh, well, I set this schedule. You know, if I really want to be a CEO of my business, I really want to be this business owner. I've got to have this schedule and I've got to stick to it. And I'm going to beat myself up when it doesn't work that way.
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
Rather than approaching it from the perspective of let's look at all the things. Let's look at your, you know, up because December is insane.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep, right, right.
Melanie Donohoue:
If you don't plan for that, all you're doing is setting yourself up to be back to that place where you were talking earlier and you were mentioning that feeling and stress in your body and the tension and the overwhelm and the anxiety that we bring on ourselves because we
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
haven't looked at the whole picture when we encompass our plan.
Emily Gorrie:
Absolutely. How do you, whether it be personally or with your clients, how do you navigate that disappointment that ultimately comes from maybe a schedule shift that was unforeseen? Not really the ones that we can plan through the holiday schedules, but the sick days, you lost a team member, or something unforeseen happens. How do you navigate that ultimate so much excitement to get this done today and whether that be on the home front or the business, right? It's like things ultimately have to change. So how do you navigate that
Melanie Donohoue:
That's
Emily Gorrie:
to
Melanie Donohoue:
a really
Emily Gorrie:
not
Melanie Donohoue:
good
Emily Gorrie:
beat
Melanie Donohoue:
question.
Emily Gorrie:
yourself up?
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah, I think, um, I think that's an amazing question. I think the first thing that I've personally had to do, and I also help clients with is allow yourself to feel the feeling.
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
So often we don't give ourselves permission to feel whatever we're feeling because we feel guilt about how we're feeling guilty or like, you know, like
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah,
Melanie Donohoue:
stressed
Emily Gorrie:
that rings
Melanie Donohoue:
about,
Emily Gorrie:
true.
Melanie Donohoue:
you know, or stressed about the fact that we feel angry about it or
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
you know, disappointed or frustrated by it. And we feel like we shouldn't feel that. So we're like, well, let me just stuff it down and I'll like keep going. So the thing I've learned to help me the most is allow myself that moment to feel it. It's okay to feel disappointed. It didn't work out. Like disappointment is a normal feeling. It's a normal human emotion. And when we stuff it down, it's inevitably going to come up some other way that's less healthy. It's either going to come up in how we respond to our kids in a way that we didn't mean to and it's not their fault. But it's because we didn't process our own emotions. or it's going to come up in how we show up with a client or how we show up to our business, not fully present. So feeling it first and then it's a matter of evaluating and
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
um stepping back and saying like, okay, in the big picture, this is not what I wanted to happen. This is not how I thought it would happen. But let's look at what's working. What's not working. And this has to be things that like, you can control. Okay, so for example, you know, we had babysitters quit this summer was not what I was planning.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
to assess what did where did I go wrong in hiring them like you know
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
um what can I own in that process how can I shift and how can that inform how I look at hiring in the future it ended up beautifully like we ended up hiring someone else who is a way better fit and is incredible with our boys and But that also had some additional consequences. I mean, it cost more for this person. So
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
then you've got to juggle all of that. But. I think, so it's evaluating what worked, what didn't, and what's one thing. So often we come up with this like, oh my gosh, now I've got to revamp 400 things. So your brain is frazzled.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
So what I find is this three, two, one. So what are three things that are working, two things that are not working about that situation, and what's one thing that you might do differently?
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
And here's where language is really important. And I learned this from a mentor of mine years ago. But might is a word of power and possibility. When we say what's one thing that I have to do differently, have to like, or what's one thing that I need to do, it implies
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
that like, whatever is the one thing you come up with has to be the right answer. You have to do it, it has to be it. Versus when I say what's one thing I might do differently, it puts me in a place of empowerment. It puts
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
me in place of possibility? Well, I might do this. Or I might do that. All right. Which feels good to me right now? Which feels
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
like the next best step forward? You know, what's the next right thing for you to do? And I totally just had a flashback to like, the movie Frozen, the next right
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
thing. But you can tell...
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
But it's true. What is that next right step? Sometimes it does, and this goes back to that acceptance that your path might be slower.
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
Because... this is the kind of thing that happens as a mom is sometimes these things happen and sometimes we can make it up. One thing that I do really encourage people to do to help themselves is to build some like flex time into your calendar so that that's time that like if you know whatever hits the fam this week on such and such day that you were planning to get something done you have overflow some other place and if it turns out you don't mean it great you just bonused yourself a But, and it could be an hour, it could be two, it could be a three hour block, whatever works for you, but like for me often that's Fridays, like my husband works four tens, so even though my work days are generally Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, like, and generally Fridays especially in the summer are family days, but Friday is my overflow day. And it's a day that I can say to my husband, honestly, you know what honey, I love you and I wish that we could do stuff, could we look at... know, I know we wanted to go for a hike. You like to go in the morning, could we go for a hike in the morning? And then I really need you to manage nap time or whatever, because I need two more hours. Things just blew up this week and I just didn't get done what I needed to do. And that's where we can give ourselves that grace and help with that disappointment is like
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
giving ourselves some of that flex. Allow, so allow yourself to feel it first. to do some evaluation, what's working, what didn't end, what's something you might do differently, and then give yourself some grace. Like things are going to happen and I truly don't know anyone, any successful person, especially not any successful mom who has had a straight line path from where they started out to reaching whatever goal or success
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
that they were looking for. it's more like this. It's
Emily Gorrie:
Absolutely,
Melanie Donohoue:
more like that
Emily Gorrie:
that's spaghetti
Melanie Donohoue:
squiggly
Emily Gorrie:
that our
Melanie Donohoue:
line.
Emily Gorrie:
brain looks like. Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
Exactly. It looks like a spaghetti line that generally trends upward, but you know,
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
sometimes feels like you're going in circles and sometimes moves downward because that's just life.
Emily Gorrie:
Yep. And I think that's such a necessary reminder, because there is this false understanding of what business trajectory should look like. And we get it from, if we look at big corporations, if we look at other entrepreneurs on social media, all of those dips and pauses and other things are not shown to us. And I would argue. Also, right, if we even looked at some of the big corporations out there, the start wasn't linear or it didn't
Melanie Donohoue:
No.
Emily Gorrie:
happen overnight. And a lot of these people took years to get to a viable business model, product in the market, things like that. So I think it is just a great reminder to give ourselves some grace on this timeline that we like have so ingrained
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
in us. And the thing I loved about what you said is. just taking the pressure off with this change of wording,
Melanie Donohoue:
Mm-hmm.
Emily Gorrie:
what might I do versus should I do or need to do and just take that pressure off. And I think there's so much clarity that comes from just trying something and then
Melanie Donohoue:
Yeah.
Emily Gorrie:
giving ourselves this grace or permission to say, okay, maybe that wasn't it. It doesn't feel good. I'm gonna try something different the next
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes.
Emily Gorrie:
time. And it's just, if we can get to that place where we do that in as many of those moments as possible. Hopefully when the moments come where we still have that pressure or we're beating ourselves up, we can move through it a little bit quicker
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes.
Emily Gorrie:
the next time around.
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes, and there's gonna be, you know, there's gonna be disappointments that are bigger or more impactful than others. It's a matter of just not letting all of them feel like a tornado
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm
Melanie Donohoue:
that sucks you in. And so allowing yourself to feel it sometimes I think allows us to help. And sometimes something as simple as a timer, you know, I keep a little timer on my desk, but something sometimes it, to cry about it, to journal about it, to whatever, to get it out and then move past it and then there's going to be times you're going to need to do that more than once because it's a bigger setback. It's a bigger bump in the road, but you just don't want to get stuck there. And that's the that's the biggest thing. And so I think you're right, like, what is that little thing and giving ourselves the grace to I love what you said about try it, you know, try this. And if it doesn't feel good, it's okay to change. I think that's something that sometimes as women and as moms, we don't give ourselves the permission to fail. It's like we have to get it right the first
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
time. For some reason, even though like you mentioned most businesses, you know, they, we pay attention to these like overnight successes or whatever, you know, you look at the Amazons of the world or you look at the Teslas of the world and you're like, wow, that blew up. in a year. But what you didn't see was the 17 chapters before that where they failed and they were broke and they were bankrupt. And I always remind my clients and myself this too is like, you have to be known for something before you can be known for everything. Or even if that is your goal
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
is like, if we think about Amazon as an amazing example, Amazon was started in someone's Literally, that's the only thing that Amazon sold. They did not sell anything else until they got that down, until they got their business model down, until they figured it out. Now you can buy everything from, you know, toothpaste to window drapes to, you know, laundry detergent or whatever, you
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah,
Melanie Donohoue:
know, and a new desk
Emily Gorrie:
yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
all, you know, in the same order. that's not where they started and we tend to look at like what's that final chapter for people or businesses or other people and comparing and seeing that with our chapter two or four or one or ten or whatever it is and not realizing that like there were a lot of failures in that too. And just not everybody is good about sharing those. Or
Emily Gorrie:
Yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
even if they do, most people don't pay attention until you're in your quote unquote winning season.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, absolutely. And I want to just touch a little bit on, too. I love the timer concept because it rings for me how we approach difficult situations with our children. Think about how they transfer from one activity to the next. There's disappointment. There's frustration. They don't want to. They're having a great time. And for us, timers are like a lifesaver in this household to prep. her for that transition. And I think if we can maybe take a lesson from that, it's like, how do you approach your child when they're upset about that? You're maybe on their level, you're sitting with them, you're letting them get those feelings out, you're walking with them back to the car after they're screaming because they don't want to leave the park. If we can, can we take that same logic and... compassion and grace that we have for our kids as they're melting, give that to ourselves in moments of disappointment. Think about when our children learn something new, they don't get it immediately. We're learning how to run this business. Every business is unique, every situation, every product, every individual. If we're gonna get some things wrong that don't feel right, we shouldn't throw in the towel. We should
Melanie Donohoue:
No!
Emily Gorrie:
try again. We should try something different. We should see. what might feel good the next day. And I think if we can take some parallels of that, because we put so much pressure on ourselves to be good parents, good
Melanie Donohoue:
Mm-hmm.
Emily Gorrie:
moms to our kids and help them be emotionally mature and feel their feelings and be good humans. Can we just translate that to ourselves and give ourselves some of that same grace?
Melanie Donohoue:
Yes,
Emily Gorrie:
Easier said than done.
Melanie Donohoue:
it is, but
Emily Gorrie:
Easier
Melanie Donohoue:
it is
Emily Gorrie:
said,
Melanie Donohoue:
a good
Emily Gorrie:
but
Melanie Donohoue:
parable. I mean,
Emily Gorrie:
yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
if you think about the scaffolding that we give our kids, you know, if you're when your kid is learning to walk, that's usually an image a lot of us know and can remember. The first time your kid pulled themselves up and tried to move one foot in front of the other, they probably fell, but you didn't look at them and say, oh, you weren't cut out for walking, you may as well give up. Like, but somehow we expect that that's the case for us in business. But instead, you know, one of the things that I think we can do is look at, like you said, what are some of those lessons that we can take from motherhood and put in our business? Whether that's from a schedule standpoint or a support standpoint or... What is your goal? Like are you ha you know, does it need to be scaffolded? Maybe what you thought you could do in a month is really a quarter goal or vice versa, you know, I've seen it both ways but what do we do when our kid is learning to walk? We put things on their path that they can hold onto to move one step in front of the other. We hold their hand. We walk with them until they feel that confidence. And sometimes that walking with you in your season of business looks like being surrounded by a community of other business owners. Sometimes that looks like having a coach who gets another business owner that you can check in with. And sometimes it looks like just setting up your schedule to give you that scaffolding and that support as you're learning to
Emily Gorrie:
Absolutely.
Melanie Donohoue:
try something new. And as you're learning to give yourself the space to explore and to test because just because it works for somebody else doesn't mean it's gonna work for you either. And I think that that's something too, that we look at, you know, we do this with our kids, right? You know, Susie's son, walked at nine months, while my kid is 11 months and isn't walking yet. Well, your kids are different, and your business is too, but we do that to ourselves. We look at, oh, I see this person who's so successful and she sells courses and works two hours a day. Well, super. That may work for her, and it's not that it can't work for you, but it might not be the best path for you either. And also I think having the grace to accept that your business can shift as you shift in motherhood too. I know you
Emily Gorrie:
Yes.
Melanie Donohoue:
and I have talked about for you and your business, like this season you're in, you don't want something that's like a long-term, I want to be on somebody's retainer
Emily Gorrie:
Right.
Melanie Donohoue:
and have constant deliverables. You'd rather those short and sweet projects. That doesn't mean that has to be your business model forever. It's just that's what feels good and fits in your life right now. And there's nothing wrong with that we can you know structure your business in a way to help you meet your family goals your Revenue goals and all of that with that and then when and if you're ready to shift it Who's to say you can't throw that out the window and do something totally different you can? We've got to
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
give ourselves permission. It's, you know, it's just like, hey, our kid is crawling in this season because that's the season for them. It's crawling,
Emily Gorrie:
Yep,
Melanie Donohoue:
but that
Emily Gorrie:
yep.
Melanie Donohoue:
doesn't mean they're always going to be crawling. At some point they're walking and some point they're running and you know, and then there's some kids who never liked to run and that's okay. You know, I think that's also too trued as well. Thinking about again, back to like. what, where our goals matter to you, you know? Not everybody is looking to be a, you know, seven-figure business owner. That's not their
Emily Gorrie:
Exactly.
Melanie Donohoue:
goal. And there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you less than, it doesn't make you a worse entrepreneur or not as important or not as impactful or effective. It's just not your goal. And that's okay.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah, absolutely. And I want to talk a little bit before we wrap up here about building this scaffolding for yourself and as a business owner and as a mom. How do you? Or what do you propose advice-wise to women who are listening who are like, I want that. I want to find a person who gets me, or I want to set up some systems that will support my business and functioning without me having to be hands on the keyboard or in my office all the time. So what advice do you have for those women who are ready for that? They're sitting here, it's resonating. Where do they start? Where do they begin? What? what could be one of those first steps for them?
Melanie Donohoue:
Sure. So, I mean, one of the things I like to kind of guide people on is looking at, I call it your GPS. So starting with what are your goals in terms of what specifically matters to you. It has to be, again, impactful to you and significant to you. And this can be both business-wise as well as mom life-wise. What are your goals? And then second would be... brain dumping out your priorities. What are they when it comes to business? How do you want to show up as a business owner? How do you want to show up as a mom? There are some moms that want to work as a business owner 40 or 50 hours a week. There is nothing wrong with that. If that's what you want, that's what makes you feel whole and fulfilled and you know able to lay your head on the pillow at night Feeling like you are completely you that's
Emily Gorrie:
Mm-hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
amazing. There are other women that are maybe listening that you're a business owner and a mom and you have an hour a day because your priority is to be there at every moment that your children are awake and then there's Lots of you out there that I guarantee are more like me or more like you that are somewhere in between where you know you have a certain amount of things that you really want to be there for. I want to be available to drop my kids off to school every day. I would like to be able to pick them up and be there to support them through homework and after-school activities and all of that and I don't want to have to work every night when I'm drained of all my energy so because I know how that impacts how I show up as a mom the next day.
Emily Gorrie:
Mmm, mhm.
Melanie Donohoue:
And so when I look at my priorities, that's part of it. And that's what I mean is I want you to look at all of those things. And something tangible that I help people to do is to lay out and label what are the activities in your week, what priority are they? Are they... income producing activities? Are they family activities? Are they you activities? Or are they just sort of like administrative busy work activities?
Emily Gorrie:
Sure.
Melanie Donohoue:
Because you'd be surprised sometimes when you get to the end of your week and you're saying, wow, I don't feel fulfilled this week. Like I felt like I was really busy. I was running all over the place. But then if you looked back at your labels for your week, And I call this dream, the acronym dream. So D is for dollars, R is for relationships, anything your spouse, your kids, family, friends. E is enable, so that's any of your tasks that help you support your income producing
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
tasks. And then admin, this could be household admin, folding laundry, this could be business admin, you're keeping your books, whatever that is. And then myself, and if you label these quickly, it's an easy way for you to look across your week. and see where am I spending my time? Because
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm.
Melanie Donohoue:
I know for me, I found, hey, I am running around, I'm working a million hours a week. It feels like I don't ever feel like I'm connecting with my kids, even though I'm with them all the time. What's wrong? And once I started
Emily Gorrie:
Hmm
Melanie Donohoue:
to look at this and look at my labels, I was like, well, no wonder, actually all of these tasks are admin tasks.
Emily Gorrie:
Ha ha ha!
Melanie Donohoue:
None of them are relationship tasks and none of them are. dollar or in income producing tasks. So no wonder I'm not seeing the revenue in my business and no wonder I'm not feeling connected with my kids.
Emily Gorrie:
Yeah.
Melanie Donohoue:
And so I have a resource for moms that may be listening to help you to conquer this chaos and get started. Take that first step in figuring out not just your day-to-day schedule, but that's in there too, how to help you plan
Emily Gorrie:
Hehehe
Melanie Donohoue:
and even has like a planner for moms that encompasses mom life and business life. Because I couldn't find one that did both so I just made my own.
Emily Gorrie:
Perfect. Yep, I
Melanie Donohoue:
And
Emily Gorrie:
love it.
Melanie Donohoue:
but it also includes some extra trainings in there to really help you see how do you set those goals? How do you go about setting a goal that's effective as a mom? And how do you look at those priorities? And how do you set up a schedule? Not just like day by day, like I'm going to plan out my week like but what is your overarching CEO, not just like CEO of my business, but CEO of my life and my household, what does that schedule look like to help me to feel as though I can find that harmony between both? And so that's something that I have available to help you get started if that
Emily Gorrie:
Amazing.
Melanie Donohoue:
resonates with you. And so I'll share the link with. Emily and you can have that. My guess is it'll be in the show notes, correct?
Emily Gorrie:
Yes, absolutely.
Melanie Donohoue:
And I will even provide a discount code for all the listeners for this amazing, amazing podcast for moms to help you to get it at a discount as well.
Emily Gorrie:
Amazing. Thank you so much. I think there's a lot to be said for just starting, but I think there's a lot of confusion sometimes around where do we start. And I really appreciate that guidance because I think, I mean, I'm sitting here listening to that and I'm like trying to map out some of my tasks from this week and I'm like, huh, maybe they are mostly admin tasks or, you know, I'm like running around and how can I do this a little bit differently? over the next couple of weeks to really start to find some of that fulfillment. So I think there's a lot of value in what you just offered us. And I am excited to go check out that workbook myself because in planner, cause I feel like that would be so key for my life. You it's like, you knew it's like, you knew, and I appreciate just you sharing your journey and your story and being vulnerable with us today. And we'll make sure to link those resources. in our show notes for those who are listening. And just thank you so much for being here.
Melanie Donohoue:
Thank you, Emily. It's been truly an honor. I love every conversation I have with you. I feel like you just open the door and you make those connections and allow for such authentic, vulnerable, like ability to show up fully as us, as moms, as women, as entrepreneurs. It just, I've never felt so at home. So thank you so much.
Emily Gorrie:
Oh, thank you for that. I appreciate that.