Expansion and Simplification as a New Mom with Grace Blacksea
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Episode Summary
This podcast is all about the complex intersection of motherhood and entrepreneurship and this conversation really gets to the heart of that! Meet Grace Blacksea the founder of Quench Collective and a new mom who is making it her mission to break down so many of the stigmas surrounding new motherhood.
In our conversation, Grace is sharing her story of struggling through postpartum, returning to work when her baby was six months old, and the expansion you can feel when you embrace your identity as a new mom. This conversation was so cathartic for me as I reminisced on my own early days as a first-time mom, and I hope it will be for you, too!
Topics Discussed:
Grace’s entrepreneurial journey of starting Quench Collective before becoming a mom and how motherhood has changed that
The grief that comes with becoming a new mother and why we must talk about it more
How Grace supported herself through her pregnancy to give herself permission to grow while also being present for her baby
Grace’s experience with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression and OCD and how she’s being intentional with her healing
Giving yourself the permission to choose yourself and be present in the current moment
Why Grace believes mothers should get one year paid maternity leave and her experience with returning to work 6 months postpartum
What getting medicinal support looked like for Grace and why she believes it’s important to share this story
The simplification and expansion you can feel when you embrace your identity as a new mom
About Grace:
Grace Blacksea is new mother and Founder of Quench Collective, a community for like-minded leaders who believe in doing business *differently*. Grace supports women in cubicles and coffee shops cut through the 'noise', stand out in the crowd, and build something they really believe in. Blending strategy and support, she is on a mission to help modern leaders design their businesses around their life…not the other way around.
Connect with Grace:
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emily_gorrie:
Welcome to today's episode of the Project Mompodcast today, I'm talking with Grace Blacks. She is a new mom and founder of Quench Collective, a community for like minded leaders who believe in doing business differently. She supports women and cubicles and coffee shops. Cut through the noise, stand out in the crowd and build something that they really believe in through blending strategy and support. She's on a mission to help modern leaders design their businesses around Life, not the other way around. So grace, welcome, thanks for being here.
grace_blacksea:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited about
emily_gorrie:
Yeah, I know, I always get Um, like goose bumps and chills when I get introduced to somebody knew who is excited about sharing their story and just wanting to kind of bring comfort to kind of a group of women that we all really belong to, And it's just just makes me really excited that more and more of us want to share our story, So thank you so much.
grace_blacksea:
Course. Oh yeah, I'm an open book. For that reason, I feel like I've got nothing to hide. I feel like the more that we can share our stories, that's the better. so hopefully this does help someone.
emily_gorrie:
Yes, Oh, absolutely absolutely. And maybe let's just start with your entreprenorial journey. So you started quench collective prior to becoming a mom, So I would live for you to just walk us through that journey. And what did the process look for starting your business?
grace_blacksea:
Oh my gosh. Yeah, so it was about now eight years ago just to just about actually this month. Oh my gosh. yeah, this month. I'm just having this realization right now, so yes, I mean, that's not a great thing. Celebrate yourself, but I'm not the example of that, but yeah, about eight years ago we, I decided I should say to leave my job and just make it all happen. I should say I actually took this business Full time, leaving like my very last job in our contract position. whatever it was to take quench full time about four years ago. Now, Um, and when I did that, I mean, there was absolutely no looking back, but eight years ago I was kind of like Listen. There's something that I am not finding in this world, which is a community of people who just want to feel supported and don't want to feel competition with each other. Want to feel like. You know, we all come to community with all of these different skill sets and levels of brilliance, And I think the beautiful thing is that we can share them, And so when I actually started the business, Um, it, actually, it started as a product base business. And what I was doing is I was going out to sell my products in the kind of. I guess physical space of markets and markets have blown up in the past, I would say, like decade, um, it is no longer this kind of small. you know, makers market situation there, these very big, very beautiful examples of what's out
emily_gorrie:
Yep,
grace_blacksea:
there, And um, when doing that, I realize, like the moment I stepped into that room, you can taste the entrepreneur ship like it is just the coolest the coolest thing. except interestingly enough, I think, especially for product pace business owners, they wouldn't necessarily define themselves as entrepreneurs. They're like I'm a maker.
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
I'm like I have a product. This is my business. S is what I make and do and put out into the world, and something that I realized very quickly was that I could have cared less about the product that I was making, and I so badly just wanted to know everything I can know about. more specifically these women in the room. I was just like Wow, I want to know your story. I also want to know I would walk past booths and see like this person obviously knows what they're doing for my marketing perspective perspective. This person obviously knows what they were doing from a product perspective, And then, if that person and that person talked to each other, what could happen and that's pretty and everyone felt so silo.
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
It's also such a kind of awkward situation because you have these booths set up next to each other and you're just like It feels weird. Sometimes you could tell people were struggling with. Do I talk to that person? This is like I don't know what to
emily_gorrie:
Yep,
grace_blacksea:
do here. And so I felt that I had always been a connector in my life, and after going to a few of these events and in actually connecting a few people and saying like, across the room, you should go check out Persons. They have an example of whatever it may be, I knew right off the bat that this was what I was meant to be doing, not to mention all of the other, even in my corporate past life, even when I would work for big organization, small organizations, no profits, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, it was so clear that kind of every journey had led up to this point of bringing people together in community and helping them to use their skill sets to better each other. so step Ing into that role was something that Yes, I did way way way before having a child, and in doing so that also meant that I had quoted all the time in the world like that was something
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
that I definitely have had a lot of grief around of. Oh my gosh, I could just you know, start my day whenever I wanted, or I could work until whenever I wanted, or take as much time doing that project or whatever it may be. I mean, it's a completely different world, mainly because I'm a completely different Per. And being, I mean, completely different. I sometimes don't even recognize myself and who I was seven months ago. Um,
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
it's pretty wild, so yeah, I started this entreprenuership journey quite some time ago and now it has come to be a completely new thing now as a mom,
emily_gorrie:
It's really quite remarkable and I love that you shared a little bit about the changes and different emotions that you feel it. this kind of grief of loss of time, or flexibility or freedom
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
to
grace_blacksea:
hm,
emily_gorrie:
function the way that you thrive it in a business, And I think there's a lot of reflection that we do as business owners, and even before becoming Mom, Two of saying like, Okay, How do I best work?
grace_blacksea:
Right.
emily_gorrie:
Maybe it's I sleep in and I get two to three hours of really heavy duty intense work done throughout the day, and then I go take a walk and I have this flexibility. It's something that pulls us to entrepreneur ship right for a lot of us to create this schedule for ourselves, and then we become moms, and there's this tiny little baby human who needs us way more, I think than I expected to Be like, physically needed, Um, all the time, and you lose that flexibility and that is part of a graving process, so I do really appreciate you sharing that, because there is a lot of happiness and love that comes from this next stage of our lives, but there is absolutely a level of grieving
grace_blacksea:
Oh,
emily_gorrie:
that
grace_blacksea:
my
emily_gorrie:
happens
grace_blacksea:
gosh, Yes, Yes, big time grief. I mean like, I think that the reason maybe we don't talk about it as much as mothers as there's maybe this kind of negative conmentation associated with grief because it is, it's sad, it's hard, it's heavy, it's deep,
emily_gorrie:
Uncomfortable.
grace_blacksea:
it's uncomfortable, it's sometimes dark. It's like well, very dark and I feel like I think there's something like forty to forty one different types of grief right. It's not always just about
emily_gorrie:
M
grace_blacksea:
like loss of life. It can be at the, you know, For everything we gain, we always lose something right. It can be a. like you were just saying, loss of time, loss of freedom, loss of availability, loss of experience. Um, there's so much that it can be, and it's so true that with it's the wildest experience, I think becoming a mother Because well, you welcome in this life like this, just really incredibly beautiful thing in human. In person, You have this overwhelming love for you. Also are escorting out a lot of things that you had before. Um, and I think that grieving is may be the only way to to properly process that may be. I shouldn't say the only way. It's like the only
emily_gorrie:
Sure,
grace_blacksea:
thing that you can do. but I think that it actually is really beneficial to grieve it, because I think what can happen is that can also of course turn into resentment or frustration. Whatever it may be, that I'm never going to have that thing again. Oh my gosh, I mean, don't get me wrong. I've found myself in tears around it many times, but I think that like the grief is almost necessary,
emily_gorrie:
Absolutely. I really appreciate that because I see a lot of comparison to my own journey with that of this moment. These pretty heavy moments in the first year of my daughter's life of um, resentment showing up because I felt at times that it was the new reality and I should just like accepted in This is what I chose it. You know, I made this decision. I should just accept it. Live in these moments of frustration because my husband gets to go off to work every day and I've you know, lost this, you know, flexibility, this freedom that I once had to know, function individually, but also on aspirations for myself and things like that. And it's I think the piece for me that was missing was this processing of grief and understanding. I was not alone in some of these moments, and the this Podcast itself allowed me to kind of do that processing of grief with others to know that we're not alone in that community. really is such a big piece of this, so I really appreciate you sharing that and I would love to know. I mean, when you were pregnant, you had found out you were pregnant and you were going through this transition. Were you at all aware of that kind of like layer or element to Your life changing? I mean, for me it was a complete blind side. I didn't. I wasn't
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
prepared. No one mentioned to me like You
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
know, Support yourself.
grace_blacksea:
Right,
emily_gorrie:
How can you support yourself? So was
grace_blacksea:
right,
emily_gorrie:
there a way that you supported yourself through your pregnancy to give yourself the space to continue to grow for you your aspirations, but also allow yourself to be present and be a good mom for this new born baby,
grace_blacksea:
Yeah, that's a great question. To be honest. Yes, I think I did anticipate it and I want to also quickly say, and then I'll explain that like and I still, even when anticipating it, it still blew my mind the amount of grief that
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
I still had around it. In fact, I, my husband and I waited for a long time in our relationship to make the decision that we actually wanted to have a child. We weren't sure that we wanted to. early on we were and then like it, Kind of chang Just says you know life grew and the world shut down and there was all these things and we thought to ourselves. I'm not sure, like, I'm not sure if this is a hell yes for us, and if we're not sure, we definitely shouldn't. You know we shouldn't be doing
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
this. And so I also had seen for years for almost a decade. People I come from a very big family. My friends around me for almost a decade had been having children, and I sat there, maybe with them in their grief, not knowing the experience, but sat there with them in it and not knowing You know, I had no, no way of relating to it, but did my best to sit there with them, and so I could feel it. I could feel it coming off of them. I could. I could see it happening. I could also see it changing. I could see it getting more manageable.
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
I could see it getting easier. I could see it. then. all of a sudden, here comes a really hard season and you know I could see the ebb and flow of what motherhood was all around me And I think that maybe this sounds weird, but hopeful It resonates when I say, I think I was grieving it before it even was here, because I knew it was like I was trying to race to get to this part of my life where I had enough done that I
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
could be okay with grieving, and that was a total facade like that that did not exist That I like just how they say there's never like a right time to have a child. I mean,
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
that really is true because we could always wait until we had this much in our bank account, or we had this thing on the sign on the dotted line, or we had that thing secured or that enter thing here, whatever it is,
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
but it's not about. I think What we have. I do think I will say. it did require a level of maybe like healing on my end and development on my end, which not everyone experience S before children. A lot of. I mean, I think we always.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
we always require healing and development To be quite honest, but there was a level of it, this belief that I had to do this afraid. In fact, the biggest feeling I had can honestly say I did not grow up saying, Oh my gosh, I cannot wait to be a mom. That was not me and I know that's the experience I would say for a lot of women. but that was not me. Motherhood scared me. I had a single mom growing up. I helped raise my little brother. It was. I saw how much work it was for her and it scared the shit out of me. Knowing
emily_gorrie:
Yep,
grace_blacksea:
what was what was coming for me right. It never looked easy to me. Motherhood never felt like it looked easy. There was some moms that made it look easy, but it was that was not my experience and I had a still have a fantastic mother. She did Everything to make our life really full and joyful and wonderful, and even then I could see how hard it was, so I had this major fear going into it and I'm not sure to be honest that that fear ever went away, but I definitely, even throughout pregnancy. something that I did do is like, for example, every time I would sit down and just have a hot drink in my hand, or I would be by myself and take myself out to lunch, or I would be doing And see, I tried to stay so present in these moments of I will never have this again, so sit with it and enjoy it. And then I could always feel this tinge of grief come in. just that you know you're never. You are never going to have this again. But what made that it also came with that was, I'm feeling present. I'm feeling grief and I'm also feeling grateful for it. And
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
so I think sitting there just with that stuff was important and really freaking Hard to do right. because as someone like myself, who is this unfortunate ly? I've had this major addiction to business in the past. My life moves at an incredibly fast pace, which I'm sure a lot of people kind of relate to, And so it took it required so much of me to slow down and like sip that in, and I'm realizing that on the other side of having my child earth side that it is very much the case, still like I will never get That five minutes back that I just had. So how can I sit here and just be present in this Well, also being a business, Enter, well, also being a friend. Well, also being a wife. It's just this big culmination basically of And And and so I don't know. not that you asked this, but I don't know that there is anything that we can do to really like anticipate, Because I don't
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
know. Did you feel this way when it was like Okay, Motherhood came and I took all the classes and I did all the stuff and I read all the books and I did this and I talked to friends And nothing could have ever prepared me for what I've experienced and continue to experience.
emily_gorrie:
Absolutely, absolutely. and I love that you shared this reality for yourself of not knowing if motherhood was for you and I, I appreciate that because I, I experience something very similar. I have a wonderful mom. I had a wonderful childhood. She made everything, I don't want to say, perfect for us, but she did her best to make sure that my sister and I were taking care of how What we needed
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
felt. the love how to present, Mom, and I was terrified of becoming my mom. Not in that I didn't want to be the mom that she was to us, but I didn't want to be who she was to herself in those moments, which was a lot of self sacrificing, And that was their generation.
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
That was the expectation. that was the agreement that her and my dad made that
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
you know she would put everything else on pause to be home with the kids, and it A choice that she made, and I think at times was frustrated, but loved it. I mean, she never made us feel anything other than loved, and she wanted to be right where she was, but I, I feel like I look back at that and I say, Oh my God, I don't want to do that, So it's funny you say there's no way to really anticipate, because I had a very similar experience. There was a lot of work for me, healing work done ahead of time. because I knew that fear for myself, so I actually was working with some bod To move through those emotions in those fears prior to my daughter coming earth side, and I thought I had done a lot of work to move past that, but you don't really know just how hard it's going to hit you on the other side,
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
and I still had a really hard first year with post part depression, which was never diagnosed and and I think it was never diagnosed because there was a part of me that Like Well, I chose this. This is like. I'm still just processing the grief. That must be it. There's nothing else to it
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
which we know now is most likely not the case, um, either, And it's just it is wild. You can't quite anticipate the
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
healing that does need to continue and be done. So when you talk about this type of grieving process and being present, and how do you support your Self in becoming more present, are coming back to the present because it is natural right to get looped up in this. you know, chaos. so to speak, our lives move a busy pieces. It can be pretty easy to just kind of get swept up in that and move forward. So how do you recognize that you're perhaps not present, And how do you support yourself in coming back in and sitting in those quiet moments for a couple of minutes and appreciating and having gratitude Or
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
the current
grace_blacksea:
hm.
emily_gorrie:
moment that you're in, Like how do you support yourself in that,
grace_blacksea:
Oh, my gosh. I'm like sitting here just shaking my head, going like how I mean every single day. it's like I feel like it's literally every single moment I'm like. Just how can I be more present in this moment like it's that I
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
constantly am just asking myself that question. I appreciate you sharing what you shared about post part of depression, and I'm so sorry that you experience that. I also experienced that and so I deeply understand that The most part I'm disorder, as I dealt with where post part of depression anxiety, and o c d, o D has not often diagnose, and it was definitely the case with me. And so what? so as an example to connect this as an example of like presence. it has been my son is seven months old. It has been so hard for me to even well medicated to turn down my o c D low enough that I can when I put him down for an Ap, which is a very new thing. By the way
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
I put him down for an up that I can just sit with myself and remind myself that it's really important that you feed yourself. It's really important that your journal. It's really
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
important that you just breathe versus lean into your o C D. tendencies of every single dish has to be out of the sink. Lean into your o c D tendencies of every single toy has to be put away. Lean into the tendencies of knowing that that drawer in the kitchen is not Actly the way that you want it to. I mean, that is so hard. That is
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
so hard when you're actually like. It's not just this thing. Because also, what, having that as an example of one of the just the disorders, like having the o c. D. it also is, I think our body's way of trying to protect us and deflect from us just sitting with what's in front of us, which is really hard, because if
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
I go do that with the dishes, and if I go Do that with the drawer, if I go do that with the toys, and actually not focusing it on the thing at hand, which maybe that today is just a really hard day in motherhood for me like, And it actually would be better if I could sit here and just nourish my body, or if I could just sit here and breathe a little bit, or stretch my body out a little bit, or call a friend or go sit in some sunshine like it has been so difficult and especially as a business owner. it has been so difficult in those sips of time, because they really do feel like that, Just a sip of a free
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
moment
emily_gorrie:
yeah,
grace_blacksea:
to not jump right on my computer and answer emails and do work and show up on social media and do all these things. It's like Oh my gosh, I took. I can believe how little time I have for myself, but I can create more time for myself if I give myself the permission to do. It is like this constant pendulum swing of all of that
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
I mean, and I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about. How we have to choose ourselves far, Or even when it was easy for me to choose myself before before I became a mother. However, I didn't do it often enough and
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
I also, it becomes so much more. What's the word like? potent? Maybe when an important that I do choose myself every single day. You know every single moment
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
because I choose my son twenty four seven, S my partner twenty four or seven. I choose like it sounds so silly to say out loud. Oh my gosh, but like I choose the dishes all the time, like that's
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
to hear out
emily_gorrie:
yeah,
grace_blacksea:
loud right like Why don't we choose ourselves So and I'll never forget when I went into labor, I actually ended up going into labor on my duddy, which was so rare and so funny, but I went in for my forty week appointment and I didn't realize at the time I was in labor, but I was having some black pain and I said to my doctor, like is tore thing I should be doing. Yo know Forty weeks. Should I go curb walking Like should I eat some dates? Like what? What should I do? What do you recommend?
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
And he looked at me and he was like No father of three. He looked at me. He said No, I want you to go home and like, read a book and like, enjoy a hot cup of something like, stop trying to rush this process along and I
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
will never forget that. I mean in that like you know, Big caveat was having a ealthy pregnancy right like That's not always the case for
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
one. Um, but I'll never forget that And so It is really interesting even before this podcast. you know, between nap times in this and that, whatever it may be, I thought to myself, Okay, I've got an hour to get myself ready that like time just for me and I decided to take thirty minutes of it just sitting in front of the fireplace that is being streamed on my T V with a hot cup of something, and then giving
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
myself thirty minutes to get ready, You know like I was like, how am I going to take this time that I do have? Instead of focusing on the time that I don't have and use it for myself, I felt so good, so the answer is I have to remind myself to be present constantly, and
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
every single day I do not such a great job of it, and then and then some moments I do a really good job of it, But it's just a constant choice. I think that's it, and I think it's also for women. In general, it's not easy for us to choose ourselves and then also like we've society been taught to that we don't get to choose anything at all. So it's like this constant stripping Way and re learning of. I have to choose this for myself. I don't have to. I get to. I want to. I need
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
to, and I can see that I can show up in a much more present way when I do.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah, and it really is striking when you do show up in a way I know for myself when I give myself the time to settle and get into my body and calm myself down. The intention in which I move forward in my day and I engage with other people is way more impactful than if I just zipzipit my way through everything that needs to get done. I, not it That like the tension between my husband and I are is a little bit higher. I
grace_blacksea:
Yes,
emily_gorrie:
can tell that my daughter is looking for more attention from me like I feel like those days are actually harder because she is catching on to the kind of higher vibration of mine and not in a positive way right like this, Like really, really anxious vibration of all these things need to get done that I'm not present and she Feel that, and I notice on those days that like when she's harder, I need to take a minute because there's probably something going on within me. that's not all that intentional. I'm just kind of trying to move through as quickly as possible, so I do appreciate you sharing this like necessity of that,
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
and when we are able to show up to take care of ourselves, whether sitting in front of like a very calming landscape in front of yourself are sitting in Sunshine,
grace_blacksea:
Right,
emily_gorrie:
are having your hot beverage while it's still hot and you're not being screamed at because you gave yourself that time, and maybe your hair doesn't look like exactly the way it would have if you gave yourself the full hour, but it is really beautiful. How much more intentional we can show up in our movements and then the things that are meant to get done will get done, and that's really all that matter. So I do appreciate
grace_blacksea:
Uh,
emily_gorrie:
you sharing that and I'd love to know. I mean, Are you Back to working now after your son was born seven months old? So you're back to working now. I think right, You're back from this maternity leave that you gave yourself. How are you incorporating that?
grace_blacksea:
Yeah. that's a interesting story. Actually,
emily_gorrie:
Uh?
grace_blacksea:
I,
emily_gorrie:
uh,
grace_blacksea:
interesting story. So I, My son was born in August, beginning of August, and I had plans to take off August through November. I was going to give myself three months. I had set myself up in the business like that. I had saved enough. I had you know, delegated it enough. I had set up my employee to make sure that she felt super supported and Running the things that needed to be run while I was away, and just focused on myself, and then about four weeks into my maternity leave I realized that I was suffering with horrific post partem anxiety and depression, and then soon to find out ocidand, I just, I mean, I think back to that time and it makes me sad because it almost just feels like Whirlwind, like something that's really nervous. Interesting with my nervous system When I, when those things, I think that's my body's way of protecting me is I just like, kind of like, like, completely
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
power down and kind of shut down. Um, and I think I was trying to keep myself alive. I think I was trying to get my baby alive. I think I was trying to survive because of the sleep deprivation Because of all of these things, because I was dealing with a major hormonal and chemical and balance in my body.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
I had Friend. I've said this many times, but I had a friend who spoke to when while I was pregnant, She knew about my fears going into motherhood about what I was worried about motherhood. And then she also knew some fears around mental health. I had dealt with anxiety and depression before I became a mom, and I had known the stat that you are something like twenty times more likely to deal with depression anxiety in your post part M season if you Deal with it before I was like.
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
Those numbers are staggering and it almost feels like definite. Like that's That's wild to me and I'm nervous about that. Like how am I I, Now? How hard dark and low that was for me And then how do I do that while trying to
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
keep wild alive? I mean, I had no idea all the other things like and and feeding and this, and sleep. And and mean, that's what I had no idea about. Um, And so when I spoke to her before I had a baby, she was also pre At the time a few months before me, and she told me something that was so impactful. She said that she had the same exact conversation with her B, and her reminded her that she did not have to white knuckle through her post partem season. It was not a requirement
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
of her as a mother. It did not have to happen. Wasn't just like you get initiated into motherhood because you dealt with it and you didn't need support and you didn't need health, And you
emily_gorrie:
Yep,
grace_blacksea:
just white knuckled your way through it Like ain't nobody given out gold stars for that. That is for damn sure. you know what I
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
mean, but we have this weird belief. I mean, also, we are like biologically hard wire to just do it right.
emily_gorrie:
M, hm,
grace_blacksea:
but we. It's just such a horrible belief that we have to write and that like that's actually what makes us strong. Like quite frankly, that's bullshit and that's not true in. So want to be clear that I am absolutely not saying that That means that everyone needs to get help and be medicated, et cetera Like that is absolutely not the case, but you also don't have to suffer and struggle. That is something that's really important and I think if I wouldn't have had that conversation with her, I wouldn't have gotten help as soon as I did. I mean, it took literally
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
every last sliver of energy I had, which was zero at the time to ask for support and ask for help. so That took like, Let's pass forward another six weeks. I mean, by the time that November first rolled around, I was in absolutely no place to come back to work, which infuriates me, because think about all of those people who have to go back to work in four weeks in three weeks. Absolutely no time at all to care for themselves their mental health
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
like there is. There is a problem with it, our system. There is no doubt about it.
emily_gorrie:
Absolutely,
grace_blacksea:
So with that I ended up taking more time, and I actually just kind of fully came back to work. I came back, behin The scenes to our community members and clients that are in our programming and what not? But I just came back. I mean, I was seven months old. I just came back at six months. The reason being as I needed that time to quite literally heal. I felt like I had this brand new skin on me and it was just like growing back. Even it was just coming to life like I felt just as new as my son, if you will, And so I was in no place to be leading. I mean, I think that leadership is something that requires so much vulnerability from us. And if I were just coming back and quote, Faking the funk, which that, I don't think, that something that I necessarily would recommend to do if you asked me my twenties to be like. Oh yeah, you got to fake the funk to get where you need to be, But that is not something that I felt was genuine or authentic, And so I am now back after six months, and I am also here to say that even at seven months, I would say like gosh, I think that Mom should be given a year like there's so much that can change its changes
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
constantly. But I'm back and am back in a completely different way as a completely different human. My priorities in my time are so much different than I had even thought they were. Um, and I am leaning into this new season of life in a new way every single day.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah. I think there's so many nuggets in what you just share that I think we could go in a couple of different ways here, and I think the first part of it is like this societal pressure that is put on women, too, Bounce back in a number of different ways. We are completely different human beings. When we have a kid, it just shifts our priorities. You said it it. We hormonally are dealing with so much like our. Our fears were processing and healing so many different personal things where sleep deprived where you know physically, maybe not even recover it, either, really tough, physical recovery. It took me almost eight weeks to physically Cover from birth. So like these women, who are expected to go back to work even in the three month period, which sometimes is what we see corporately for women right. A lot of women don't even get that luxury of the three month period. Um, but even that right for you. If you were going back to like a corporate job or another job, I would not have allowed you to show up in a way that you Could
grace_blacksea:
No,
emily_gorrie:
thrive or even survive. Really right. And I think it puts a lot of women in this really tough space. of What do I do Now? How do I support myself through that? And it's just I think you're right. It's just a comment to this, like really messed up society that we're in right now and then it doesn't support women in this were meant to, you know, white knuckle our way through this like weird uncomfortable change. Then we're supposed to go back like nothing ever happened, Were supposed to Up as employees or as business owners like nothing change. And then we're supposed to mom this child like we're not business owners are like we're not you know, full time employees, and it's just a really tough place to be in, especially if you feel alone in it. so I do appreciate you sharing to this like sense of taking every ounce of energy that you had left to ask for help.
grace_blacksea:
Hm,
emily_gorrie:
And what? So I'd love to know just quickly and then all Touch on a couple of other points that you said, because I loved all of that Is like. What did asking for help look like for you? Was it going back to your Ob and asking for some like medical help? Was it talking to your partner and getting you know some support that way to kind of make some different changes. Like what did support look like for you?
grace_blacksea:
Yeah, I feel super grateful to have felt super supported and resource, which I know is not the case for everyone, and so my hope is that we can continue to support each other in our community so that everyone can feel that, because it's necessary, my husband. it was that was like the initial conversation just around Like Wow, this does not. this does not feel good. This does not feel like me like I'm hurting so badly inside and I Also had some physical stuff like for me, anxiety manifest, and not really being able to eat a lot. And so something
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
that's extremely important after you know birth, is that you are nourishing your body and I wasn't even able to do that. I was. You know, that's so hard, and my. I was lucky to have my mom with me during the post Part M season and you know she noticed, of course a lot of that as well, I, the amount of tears I was crying while super super normal And when learn having um, when we are post partem it was. It was not stopped for four weeks, and like that is something that they were tears of happiness. but it was frustration because well, I should say there were tears of sadness, but I was frustrated because I was so happy every single time I looked at this baby. I kind of felt like I was being robbed
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
of this experience in this really special time that I knew I was never going to be able to get back. Um, so it did look like me reaching out to a friend that I knew had dealt With it and saying Hey, this is what I think that I'm dealing with what should be my first step, and I feel like that was even resource. Having you know the friend, having the courage to share with me what she went throu, meant that I was able to reach out when I felt like I had some some of the science as well, So it was first with my therapist. It said, Hey, I think this is what what I'm dealing with, and it was
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
the encouragement for her to go to my B and have that conversation with him and say this is what Dealing with, and he asked me all of the I think medically necessary questions, and then also very human questions. of Um, you know, how are you, and how can I help, and how can we get you back to a base line, and also explain the science to me, which I thought was very important of where your hormones are right now are not at a normal level. And
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
what's actually going on with your body Is this is just it. It is. wow. it is just like off the Rector scale of what just happened and also what is still happening.
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
Um, And so he sent me. We ended up with a diagnosis and then he explained the process of medication to me, which I was very honestly willing to take off of the bat. I think that the cases he's usually met with people who aren't and that's okay to. He did give me other things. he said. It's also incredibly necessary that you Drinking water. It's also incredibly necessary that you go outside every day. It's also incredibly necessary that you're breathing
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
and that you hand over the baby when you are feeling like it's okay to go outside and take a break. You know what I mean.
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
So it was equal parts permission, medical advice, support, emotional support, that sort of thing, but it was really that chain kind of that got me finally to where I ended up being.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah, yeah. that's I mean. it is incredible because I think the first asking for support yourself is so huge, But then finding that reciprocated on the other end is What is the word I'm looking for Is huge, Doesn't do it justice like that's not the word. I can't seem to find the appropriate monumental. I guess
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
maybe it's the word I'm looking for. It's like
grace_blacksea:
yeah,
emily_gorrie:
I think about the experience that I had six weeks check up. You go through, you know that pretty generic check list. I think the piece for me that was missing was that human level. That, because I looked at those check lists and I said to myself,
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
Well, Not all the time, so I don't think that really counts. and I, this is what I'm seen modelled for me and other like motherhood example. So this just must be how it is like there's nothing wrong with me right. So is educating yourself recognizing that this base line doesn't have to exist and I would also argue to right. pushing back if something doesn't feel right. It's so monumental to have somebody receive that request of yours
grace_blacksea:
Right, right. I think that
emily_gorrie:
and
grace_blacksea:
yet you like what you just said. I want to amplify that because that is so important and I hope people can really hear that. Is that it's not like I think that the judgment comes around. Oh my gosh, something is wrong with
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
me, But it's
emily_gorrie:
hm,
grace_blacksea:
really about what you just said Is like something doesn't feel right right Like I think that is probably the first test in motherhood is like trusting your gut when something doesn't feel right, and not of course with your child, but with yourself
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
because you immediately Baby comes out, or you are given that. whatever it is, and you, it's like everything goes to that in your right that six weeks check up. I mean, my goodness, it is that does not happen to the other country like it is. it should be. you go from seeing a doctor every single week, in some cases throughout your pregnancy, and then just six weeks, and then we'll see in six months. That doesn't make any sense. That
emily_gorrie:
Yep,
grace_blacksea:
doesn't absolutely no sense, And I also receive those check. I don't know that you did as well, but I also receive To those same mental health chickens at my son's milestone, his visit. So at his month appointment at his three month apointmhentever, And so he just went. You know Last month was his six month appointment. We just went to that and the nurse said to me, Actually, they're always so uncomfortable giving it to you, which I think should also change. They say
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
here you go. like sorry, you have to fill this out. Don't apologize to me for that. Like this is important. You're asking like this is a really good thing that this is a even happening. I think there's a flaw you know in the system of like. Well, you know, like there goes your brain again kicking in. Well, I don't cry all the time. but like last week was really hard, you know, And what else she said to me was sorry. Like I have to ask you to do this. and but don't worry. It's the last time, so that means at six months post Part An, that's the last time I'm going to get asked. How are you
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
like? From a medical perspective.
emily_gorrie:
wow,
grace_blacksea:
That's not okay. you know,
emily_gorrie:
yeah,
grace_blacksea:
so it's just um. I just want to Plify what you're saying because it's really important that even because it sounds like you dealt with some post part of pression after the fact, which is so common I may be like. Towards the beginning is so common to experience it later on, sometimes
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
even years later on. it's okay and if something feels off, it's probably because it's off. You're not crazy. You're not anything. you're human. You're having a feeling it is absolutely worth a conversation with somebody.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah. absolutely it. so I don't even remember. Maybe that's just the tell tale side like. I don't even remember those like first. I mean, I remember those first couple of my check ends, but I don't recall me being checked in on, and I imagine probably was at some point that I brushed it off because I was like worried about the twenty questions I had to ask the peniatrician about. You know what was going
grace_blacksea:
Course.
emily_gorrie:
on with my daughter, but that I think the part You touched on to this like inconvenience that these nurses feel to or or shame that comes along with. Oh, but I'm sure you're not experiencing it or I'm sure it's not that. really. Put a barrier to, at least for me feeling comfortable to speak up and to ask questions are like, Hey, actually, can we talk about this because something feels off or Oh, this should Be the last time, so everything should be fixed right now. Or maybe it's not feeling right. You know, there's a lot of I look back on it now. and like we have these conversations and it does make my blood boil a little bit. It makes me
grace_blacksea:
Oh
emily_gorrie:
sad. it
grace_blacksea:
yes,
emily_gorrie:
makes me frustrated. It makes me a little bit scared for the next go around. Like what that's going to look like like, you know you're likely to more likely May be, should, just say likely, but you're more likely to experience it a second time if you experience it the first time. You know. How does that look moving forward? So I do appreciate you kind of sharing your strategy on
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
just
grace_blacksea:
yeah,
emily_gorrie:
supporting yourself through that.
grace_blacksea:
of course. yeah. in other countries, like mothers are a lot of them. A lot of other countries,
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
mothers are checked up on a lot more and they should be, and I think to that point why I'm so grateful that you have a platform like this and that you're using it for something like this. Is that what that means is that that's when motherhood communities kick in. That's why these
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
relationships and connections are so important, Because that texts mus Age that you send to a friend just to say, Oh, gosh, you know I haven't heard from so and so in a while, Like how is he doing or you know, just how are you, mamma, or like, Can we go for a walk? And if like, if you see something, say something. It's so important with mental health and it's not coming from. I think that you're It's not from a diagnostic perspective, but from
emily_gorrie:
Right,
grace_blacksea:
a human perspective Of how are you? How can I help you know what
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
I mean And even if you have never been through that, I understand it can be uncomfortable. of course, but even if you've never, And through that, just whether it's that you hear it on a podcast or that you heard someone having a conversation about it in line at coffee. Whatever that looks like it is so important and like you are worthy of getting help. It is possible. something could just be. You know we could. It might just be a two millimeter shift that you need right again. It
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
doesn't mean that you are broken or that you need to be fixed. It means that you need support period like hard
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
stop. So I think that some Thing that's so important and that, by doing so, and by asking those questions, and by continuing to have these conversations that you're having a podcast like this, you really are breaking the stigma of it too.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah, thank you for those kind words, because I think there's always a lot of Movement like. I feel a lot of like personal movement, and I feel a lot of like healing and processing for myself when I have these conversations, so just to have a platform to hopefully provide some comfort to somebody else is just so important to me and I, I know you get that right in this like, need to connect people and support people and bring community of like minded women together to kind of you know, support one another, because we do have different scales. It's like what I see is different than what you see. and especially you know when it comes to our mom friends, right, it's like you said it. Even if we didn't personally experience it, we know our people right, like we know some things off, or we know that they're not. You know, feeling their best, and Um, just important to speak up and and lend a hand and then support whatever that looks like. Um, so I just I appreciate you kind of high lighting that, And sharing that, M and I, for the sake of time, want to touch a little bit more on your business,
grace_blacksea:
Oh
emily_gorrie:
and
grace_blacksea:
yes,
emily_gorrie:
I'd love to know just a little bit more about how are you. Has anything changed for you in terms of? I know you said you show up differently for your business, but have you made any changes in how your business functions based on what you've learned from becoming a mom, Or how have you you know how your priorities changed? Have you outsourced more? Have you delegated more? You know what Does that look like in the actual functioning of your business?
grace_blacksea:
Yes, and I think this looks so different for everyone how it specifically looked for me and I will not ever sugar co anything, so I'll be super super honest because I think you hear a lot of messaging around like it's so important to delegate into outers, And it is. I want to be very very clear about that. It is so so freaking important. and um, I think that an interesting thing that happens when you step into motherhood is that the need for simplification goes through the roof. Also the expansion that you feel, and being a this completely new identity is pretty wild. right So it's I'm like I told my husband few months ago. Like gosh, it's wild. I feel like I've got all these new ideas and things that may be I want to tackle, but I'm also like, Why am I doing this? Why do I want to do Xinc like, But I've seen this happen to almost every single mother, but they're like I want to do this and I'm like, Do I have time for it now? But I want
emily_gorrie:
Oh,
grace_blacksea:
to do it. You know, so it's like you feel this Expansiveness. I think also, because you just did the hardest thing in the world, no matter how you brought your child into this world. Adoption. See section virginal worth whatever it was, You just did the hardest thing in the world, and you continue to every single day
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
that I
emily_gorrie:
hm,
grace_blacksea:
don't know if it's that. That just makes us super super extra brazen. But here we are and we also feel the need to be so simplified like I want to do that. So Yes, to have put in so many more systems you should see my Sapor account with If you're on With that. If you're listening, it is like all about integration. So yes, I'm like. What can I set together and integrate on the back end of my business? That just does. while I'm sleeping. I went even even deeper with that. For sure. I, actually, our team has decreased in size. I have only one contractor doing very, very kind of little work. I would say, I've also simplified the things that I am doing as well, as far as if anything was Kind of an extra before I'm not doing it as much. It just doesn't feel good. I have taken
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
away all of the offerings in my business that do not light me up one hundred percent, because nobody got time to be doing that anyways, like there is no doubt about that, but I feel like because of you because things shift so much in motherhood. It, just as your your yes is become so hell, Yes, and your nose become so clear.
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
Um,
emily_gorrie:
hm,
grace_blacksea:
so I have taken away everything that didn't feel like a hundred percent Yes, and Put it on a shelf. It can come back one day if it needs to, but right now it's only things that truly truly feel like they light me up. The other thing too is that admittedly we do not have child care and we have had a really hard time finding it. We've ad a really really hard time. Just find we live in California. The cost of it. It is truly
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
really wild actually, and especially, it's important for us to for example, pay someone a living wage. So you know like
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
or for what that looks like. And so we Are juggling being to um, working from home, parents and running businesses, and with a child that is really hard. So what my day looks like Is it starts at four p, M, and I work until nine p. M. That is nothing in a like you would have asked me before and say I don't do that. That doesn't work for me. That's not when my, like you know, whatever my peak time is or
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
whatever, but what it actually allows me is to be with my son for the majority of the day, and I can This other seven night. So to answer you question, everything has changed. integrations have enhanced team has decreased in size. My my commitments have become so much more solidified and
emily_gorrie:
M,
grace_blacksea:
grounded, and I also, I think the biggest thing is how can I show up in the most impactful way And if the answer is like, Does this help me show up in the most impactful way? If it's yes, then great. if it's no. it is completely off the table. so also making A lot of like quick decisions in that where it's like now that I have this thing, this child, this like this, a factor over here.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
My decisions are just completely different because I'm a completely different human and what I value, of course, has just I think, If anything, it's just probably enhanced.
emily_gorrie:
Yes, I. I. I'm in awe of that because I, I, when you started talking and you shared a little bit about this, like conversation you had with your husband, and it was like I want to do all these things. I mean, that is me, like to it.
grace_blacksea:
Uh,
emily_gorrie:
I had my daughter I was like, but that didn't happen for me until about a year when she was a year old, But I remember being like I need to do something like I don't have any time. I don't know when I'm going to do something, but I want to create something. I want to build something. I want to share Something. I want to you know, provide something out to
grace_blacksea:
M,
emily_gorrie:
a community
grace_blacksea:
hm,
emily_gorrie:
And I mean my husband was so supported. If he's like Okay, we'll find child care.
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
We'll do
grace_blacksea:
let's
emily_gorrie:
this.
grace_blacksea:
do.
emily_gorrie:
It took me forever to find child care to. so I mean we. I. I feel you. my daughter just started take care at age two in January, and it's been three months of heaven and hell. I guess you could say, like a lot of sick days home.
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
My days
grace_blacksea:
hm,
emily_gorrie:
get totally messed up, and
grace_blacksea:
hm,
emily_gorrie:
a lot of days where I'm like loving it, Because there are a couple of hours and she goes half days, doesn't go like full days, so as a couple of hours, three days a week, and I'm like, Oh, I feel like me again. Oh, you know, this feels really nice. So there
grace_blacksea:
Yes,
emily_gorrie:
is this like economy of when you're in those moments. Probably you from four to nine, Right, You're in this moment. You have you know, this time and this energy to make progress and build something for yourself. You're like, Oh yeah, I can do this and then for me and my daughter comes home and I'm like Okay, come back to reality, Emily. like we're still here. This is still here.
grace_blacksea:
M.
emily_gorrie:
This is perfect. like real yourself in and be intentional about the things you're putting forward. So I
grace_blacksea:
Oh,
emily_gorrie:
really
grace_blacksea:
yeah,
emily_gorrie:
honor you for sharing that of. like, let's scale it back. Let's see what we can put ourselves in a hundred per cent on. That makes me feel really good.
grace_blacksea:
Yes,
emily_gorrie:
just really good.
grace_blacksea:
yes, I think that if you are doing the things in your business that make you feel really good by happenstance, what's going to what will happen is your community, your clients, your customers, whoever you are serving, whatever you are making, whatever you re doing, will truly be better for it, because you're able
emily_gorrie:
Yes,
grace_blacksea:
to give it all of that energy. I mean those hours between four and nine. Are I get more done in those hours than I ever did. Just like. Oh, I'm just going to like you know, Take my time Today. I do might think like.
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
I mean, it's wild because it's
emily_gorrie:
yeah,
grace_blacksea:
laser focus, Because that it's it's interesting. and again, this is a season of life. It is not going to be forever, and I think that's also what keeps me so present in it. because it is a
emily_gorrie:
M.
grace_blacksea:
freaking gift. Like truly, it does not feel like that every day at all, but but like it really is a gift. In that sense of, you know, as an entrepreneur as a small business owner, It, really, I mean, I go back to that every single day. I have. Um, I have the utmost gratitude for the stage of life that we're in, and even if we have another child, I don't know that we'll ever be in this again, So it's like taking it for exactly what it is, because I will
emily_gorrie:
Yeah,
grace_blacksea:
never even get back what just happened an hour ago. Um, so much easier said than done. but I'm doing my damndest That's for sure.
emily_gorrie:
Yes, yes, and you have to celebrate that. like you said earlier. Let's
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
just celebrate the wins, the small wins, the big wins, the present moment wins Because it is just so important to do that,
grace_blacksea:
So
emily_gorrie:
So
grace_blacksea:
important.
emily_gorrie:
Grace,
grace_blacksea:
so important.
emily_gorrie:
thank you so much for sharing your story and
grace_blacksea:
Yes,
emily_gorrie:
being vulnerable with us, And I would love to just give you a quick like thirty seconds or so. How can people engage
grace_blacksea:
Yeah,
emily_gorrie:
with you who are listening? What's the best way for them to interact with you?
grace_blacksea:
Come hang out with us. I would say, like on our social channels, you of course, can always check out our website. I mean it's informational, but it's a bit static. You'll hear from me over on Social, so pretty much everywhere it's at Quench dot Dot Collective. Our website is Quench Dash Collective Dot Com. If you want to check that out either way any time that you press, and you will get your way to me, so I'm looking forward to just hearing from you if there was anything that was impactful That you want to connect on, or if you need a reminder of anything at all, I mean, I would imagine Emily is also the most fantastic person for this, But yeah, so I'm excited that we got to have this conversation and again. Thank you for having such an incredible platform to do so
emily_gorrie:
Oh grace, you're very welcome and we'll make sure to link all of those social handles, and what not in our show note, so people can easily get to
grace_blacksea:
Perfect.
emily_gorrie:
you. Thank
grace_blacksea:
awesome,
emily_gorrie:
you.
grace_blacksea:
thank you, A.